How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
