One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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