I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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