so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
