? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
