I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
