Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I smell stomach acid.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
All the doctor said was why
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
