I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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