Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
