somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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