Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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