dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
