I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
