Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
