i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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