Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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