you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
