I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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