(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I love having hate sex.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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