Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
