It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
