When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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