went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
