it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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