He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
