What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
sarcasm needs its own font
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
