I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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