I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
