Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
