Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
