youre lurking in front of me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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