were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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