oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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