you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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