I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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