ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
