I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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