I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
