Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
