You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
NoShamevember. You game?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
