I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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