my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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