I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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