Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
