I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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