when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
