Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
