Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
