Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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