when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
